Full Disclosure And A Visit!

For those of you who were dying to know how the meeting went, I figured I should sit and write all about it...both for your sakes and my own with my memory.  It's funny, people say that when your first child comes around you document like crazy.  Everything is going in the blog or scrapbook and not an iota of a detail is left out.  Then, when it comes time to have a second child, all that kind of goes away.  Sure, you update here and there and you have a scrapbook potentially set aside just for them, but the same urgency everything was done with for the first child has changed with your second.  I swore this would not happen to me, but then I look around and realize it has.  Oops.  I just want my girls to know that I love them both very much, in spite of my documentation abilities.  

So back to what's really important...the full disclosure meeting.  We got started late as we all had to cram into a tiny office as there were no conference rooms available.  I would venture to say the office was not much bigger than my dining room and part of my kitchen combined and we had ten adults in there with a large desk and tiny round table for us to all "sit" around.  We were then handed copies of the child study, which is a document similar to what we have on us but it outlines traumas, foster homes, and the like.  The majority of the child study was from 2009 and was rather lengthy.  When we finally got to the current one, it was almost two hours into the meeting.  Our girly girl's file is much shorter than our kiddo's file, and we did not even open it until it came time for us to receive it.  I have it sitting beside me as I type this and am astounded at how little it holds comparatively speaking.  

After we received the file, the topic of visits was up for discussion, as now they have to report the visits to the judge.  Everyone agreed that we should go ahead that day and have a visit, so one of our girly's girls foster parents (who was in attendance at the meeting) made arrangements with us to have a late lunch (because by this point it is going on 2:30pm!) so we all could visit.  Our wonderful adoption recruiter came with us to ensure everything was good.  We had the best time!!!  Lots of smiles and laughing.  When it came time for us to part ways we picked the next visit for Sunday (yes, tomorrow!) at a place that is closer to us than they usually are, so we are going to be hopping in the car and taking a drive to meet for dinner, but I think it will be one of my fondest dinner memories to date (the other fond ones being our kiddo's birthday dinner when she turned 17 at Carrabas (yes, that I still remember vividly)).  All three of us are going, as are both of our girly girl's foster parents, and of course the girl of the hour!  We are so looking forward to this visit.  For those of you following along on facebook, look for some pics! :)  

Catching Up

Much has happened since my previous post...We decided against going forward with the previously mentioned child, our case worker decided to stall our process until mid-May, and we have since found (thanks to a dear friend and former case worker of our kiddo) a child that seems to fit our family to a tee. Oh, and our kiddo moved back home. It's been an interesting, fun, and occasionally frustrating rollercoaster, but isn't that how life always is? 

Now that we have our completed home study and match staffing (when they cross examine us about why we would be a good fit for a specific child) behind us, we are ready to move onward to the full disclosure meeting. During this we get the child's file and hit the highlights with the folks who are involved with them. Fortunately for us, our kiddo and I have already met this child through a stroke of brilliance on the part of the adoption recruiter. Unfortunately Mama S had to work the day we met the child and so she will have to wait until our first official visit, which will hopefully be soon. Until then, we just have to be patient and wait, which is much easier said than done.

We have not yet announced on Facebook who the child is other than that they are a teenager, so those of you following our process, stay tuned because mums the word until our first visit. I can hardly wait to share that part of our journey, but it needs to wait until we are certain that this child will not only fit with our family, by that they are interested in being part of it as well. Until then, be well every one! Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we have the full disclosure meeting this Thursday. Thank you for your love and support!

The Child Study

I need to preface this post by explaining where we are in the process. For those of you following along on facebook, we have had our final home visit for our home study, and the only thing that stands in the way of having it totally done, signed, sealed, and delivered is the pile of paperwork sitting on our dinning room table waiting to be finished. (All 26 pages of it.) This being said, we have a new case worker, who is fabulous, and who was willing to go ahead and inquire about the child we are interested in adopting. This is a big deal considering we are close but not yet done with our home study. Now...zoom to the next paragraph...

So today we received the Child Study for the child we are interested in and it was a hard pill to swallow. There are many good things but there are also many not so good things, so this will be a difficult decision. Our kiddo is coming over to read it with me tomorrow during the day and with Mama S during the evening. I have been at my wits end obsessing (like I do) about what to do. I feel this extreme sense of responsibility for this child's future. Our new case worker (who is wonderful by the way) is supposed to talk with us next week, so nothing has to be decided immediately, but I feel like the more we discuss it the better suited we are at possibly coming to a conclusion when we speak with her. 

As you can tell, I am still obsessing, and totally needed a reminder of what needed to be considered most. Before blogging, I got on Pinterest, and there, "picked for me" was this photo:

I have no shame and can freely admit that I cried. We need to remember that this child is more than their Child Study. It can be hard to do, but so necessary. Thanks to the universe, G-d, or whoever on Pinterest knew that I needed that reminder. 

This part has been so agonizing partly because we had already met our kiddo by the time we saw her child study, so it was not really a big deal. Her worker had told us about her history, and it was a much more organic process. This feels much different in that we have to "play by the rules" and go through the motions of accepting a child based on an eight page life story. Of course there is more to it than that, we still will have to be matched, and a full disclosure meeting would have to happen before meeting this child, but we are expected to decide whether or not we go through with the next phase just by what we see on eight 8x11.5 pages sent via email. 

Anyways, I am obviously still worried about making the right and healthy decision for our family. Thank G-d this decision isn't being made solely by me, or else I may need to be committed by the end of the week. I will be sure to write and let everyone know what we decided as a family when the time comes. For now, be well and I'll write again soon! 

Home Study: Take Two

Thanks to many things getting in our way, we did not complete our homestudy last summer, but we are working on it again currently because we have found a child we would like to potentially adopt! Yes, you read that right...we have found a potential sibling for our girl and we are all (our kiddo included) excited. Of course, the excitement is mixed with some trepidation. We don't have much to do to complete the homestudy, which means we can inquire about the child within a month or so. They are local, which is a blessing as we won't have to do a ton of schlepping. I'm working on the next scrapbook for the child in between homework, teaching at my synagogue, working, and filing out paperwork. Needless to say, life for all of us is very busy. Mama S and I are both in school, but we agreed that I will more than likely take only one class in the Fall while we get acclimated to a potential new child in the family. It will be what it will be though, and we really just need to get there. One step at a time I suppose.

Our first kiddo is doing pretty well for herself living on her own. There have been some struggles, but she is rolling with the punches and has us to have her back when she needs us. I have gotten over my "empty-nester syndrome" for the most part. She has been somewhat stressed over balancing a new job with school, but it will calm down and she will succeed at whatever she puts her mind to. All I can really say is how proud we are of her. She is a joy in our lives and I am SO THANKFUL that we have had her as part of our life.

All the mushy stuff out of the way... ;) We are excited to begin this next part of our journey. I will try to be better about keeping you all up to date via the blog. Be well everyone!

Milestones and Home Studies

Our kiddo has marked quite a few milestones in her time with us, but none of those have prepared me for her to move out on her own.  I know it is time, but I am still feeling the mommy blues.  She is moving to a cute little 1923 bungalow house about 20-30 minutes from us but very close to the college she attends.  The landlord will let her paint and she's already plotting what color schemes will look good in which rooms.  It's exciting and scary and sad for me all at the same time.  I am sure I'm not the first, nor the last parent to experience this array of emotional pulls, but it doesn't make it easier.  Mama S is very accepting and fine with the idea of our little girl getting her own place, so she doesn't really understand why I feel the way I do.  That's ok though...I guess we all adjust to our child's nest flight differently.

On a completely unrelated note, we received confirmation yesterday that our home study update meeting is a week from today.  I have SO MUCH TO DO (but yes, I'm sitting here blogging instead)!  We need to clear out the stuff that has accumulated in the other guest/potential kid's room, set up the bed, clean the house, take the cats to the vet for updates on shots, and I need to work on my final exams on top of working weird hours at my school.  If all goes well, I'll be able to sleep sometime late in the week next week.  We shall see...after all, sleep is overrated when you are a parent, right?

Keep Calm and Fill Out the Next Form

Picture stolen from Pinterest...pretty much sums up the home study process.  We found out today that we are going to be assigned a case worker to update our home study on Monday and will be given a call that afternoon to set up an appointment.  So here we go...on to the next step of our journey.

We have put in inquiries on a couple of kids, and have heard nothing back with the exception of one, who is aging out in less than 90 days (the required time frame after placement to finalization).  One is an ADORABLE little 12 year old boy, who our kiddo picked out for us.  He loves food, football and fun.  The other child is a BEAUTIFUL 15 year old girl that is caring and compassionate, who wants to be a midwife when she grows up.  The boy is local to our area, but the girl is from the same area our kiddo comes from.  The worker from the area our kiddo is from is eager to work with us again, so we shall see what comes of it, as we haven't heard back from her about the girl.    

In other news, I have to find time to prep the bedroom.  We had given away the twin bed that was in there previously and just got a double bed, which is MUCH better for a teenager anyways.  Going to leave the paint as is because our rule is that we let the kids pick their furniture and room color because we want them to feel like it's really their space.  I'm always curious to see what the room will end up decorated like.  Our kiddo chose white furniture with a fun black/white/purple splatter paint design in her room.  Totally fits her too! :)  

The scrapbook is slowly coming along.  I figured I could balance a page a day (good in theory) with my final exam schedule.  I didn't have a chance to work on the book yesterday, as I was on call at work and the kids were being squirrelly, but this weekend will hopefully leave me time to work on it some in between studying for/working on final exams.  I'll post some pictures to my Facebook as the pages come together. 

And so it goes...

Well, unfortunately for us, the kiddo we were looking into is aging out soon and has no interest in being adopted.  It is what it is and I wish them all the happiness life can bring.  Now it is on to the next kiddo and all that goes with foster adoption.

We found out that we definitely need to have our home study updated, so we are patiently waiting for a case worker to call us regarding that.  All of our critters should be up to date on everything, and G-d knows we both are thrilled about needing physicals again (not).  This means that we can't really inquire more about kids until we are done, which is kind of disappointing, but anything worth doing takes time. However, I did post an inquiry prior to finding out we needed to update and was emailed by the agency adoption rep today.  Oddly enough, it's the same agency we worked with when we got our little girl.  The rep sang our family's praises and told us that she would be happy to talk with us more as soon as our home study was up to date, so that's a good sign. :)

Now it just means time to prep the bedroom for a kiddo and work on their scrapbook.  I made a rather detailed one for our girl when we were waiting to become parents, but I don't know that I'll have the same time to devote to one now that I am in school as well as working.  It may be time to lessen my school class load a bit and not take so many courses over summer.  

I have to say, it's great to see our kiddo enthusiastic about the idea of getting a sister or brother.  She even has put in her two cents when it has come to looking at kids. (She likes a younger kid versus an older one.)  It's nice to see that we are making this journey as a whole family and I look forward to seeing where the journey takes us. :)