Progress...

I still have a million and one things left on the "Before the Home Study" to-do list, but there are a few things I've managed to accomplish (with some help from Mama S and a dear friend).  All the furniture has been put together in the kiddo's room and Mama S has gotten most of the outlets replaced.  (As promised, there are pictures!)  We still have to install the closet doors, replace ceiling fan blades and come up with some kind of window treatment, but it's a HUGE check off of the to-do list.  Now, if I could just get the bathroom that I'm redoing to cooperate!

We should be hearing from our assigned case worker ANY time now.  The thought of it makes me want to throw up, but I'm excited too.  I think we're both still in shock at how quickly the process has gone thus far.  A colleague of mine who has adopted before cautioned me that we're about to hit the phase where everything slows down and it will seem there's no progress.  I'm really grateful that she shared that with me, as I would probably start to worry if it seemed to abruptly stop.  

Otherwise, we are just plugging away as we try to get ready for our Home Study.  This holiday season has made us both realize that this is more than likely the last year we will not have a child (or two) during the holidays.  I can't wait to share holidays with our children!  Until then....we have much to do.  

As promised...here are the pictures:

Nightstand Mama S built

Dresser that Stevie helped me build

Bed pre-headboard (ignore the dust)

Bed with headboard

One Step Closer!

Mama S got the call today that we have been waiting for.  Our background checks have both come back clear and our file has been compiled.  The person in charge of the placement department called and told her that he was sending over our paperwork today to be assigned a case worker and that we would hear from our case worker in 2 weeks!!!  If our county truly only takes  45-60 days to complete Home Studies, that means we could be totally done with ours by the end of February...maybe even earlier!!  WOW!!!  I'm totally flabbergasted!!! I keep wanting to pinch myself to check and see if this is really happening.  We started the adoption journey September 23rd (when I placed the call in to see where to start) and here we are on December 10th about to begin our Home Study.  It's just incredible!  


This has all been such a blessing really.  I remember how crushed I was when we found out that I had PCOS and would have to take infertility treatments if I had any hope of getting pregnant.  It seems the entire time we were trying to get pregnant in the first place it was one big frustration after another.  I felt initially that the struggle was God slamming a large door in our faces.  We had no idea that God would then turn around and knock a wall out instead of simply opening a window. I guess we needed to just shut up and be patient (or I needed to shut up and be patient at the very least!). The entire process thus far has run smoothly, and though the knowledge that we can't both adopt our child/children still stings, we know that there will come a day when that will change and we can both be listed as legal parents to our child/children.  For now though, I'm grateful that we are able to be on this journey to family. 

  

The Home Study is Upon Us!

Yesterday was our last MAPP class and we both have mixed feelings on the classes being over.  On one hand, we wish we still had the formal class to learn more about the system we are adopting from, but on the other hand we are thrilled to start the next part of our journey.  Our classes taught us a great deal of wonderful lessons.  We were able to learn about how the adoption and foster care process works, effective methods of behavior modification, laws, but more importantly, the sad reality that these kids will be coming to us from.  (Like the fact that when a child in foster care is moved from home to home all their belongings are put in a garbage bag and not in a proper duffel or suitcase breaks my heart.)  Many of the future parents in our class will be wonderful foster parents (of those going that route), but the fact remains that these kids have been uprooted from their families because of abuse or neglect and may have gone through more upset being in the system. At least the 20 or so from our class were planning to be foster parents and I'm sure they will be great temporary families for the kids in the system.  Ah, I digress...

So....the next part of our process is the Home Study, that wonderfully grueling process in which every detail of our lives are examined under a microscope to make sure we will be capable parents to the children we adopt.  The vast majority of other states and even counties in our own state require at least a 3-6 month window of time to complete the Home Study.  We found out yesterday that our county has a very streamlined process when it comes to Home Studies.  In fact, they are so streamlined that instead of 3-6 months they only take 45-60 days.  That's right...45-60 DAYS!  MT also informed us yesterday that we should expect a call from our assigned case worker before the holidays.  Due to the fact that they have 4 agencies city wide who do Home Studies under Family Support Services, they are able to get everything done much more quickly.  The Home Study itself more than likely won't start until after Christmas, but we are looking at being able to have a placement in mid to late February or even early March instead of late April or in the summer (at the earliest).  Now everything we have been doing here at the house is going into overdrive to get ready.  Mama S decided to strip the popcorn off the ceiling in the kiddo's room and as soon as she's done I'll quickly paint the ceiling.  All of the furniture has now arrived so we will have that to put together as well.  


I'm thrilled with how fast the process is going, but I think we're both nervous about becoming parents.  In all honesty though, I don't know of any first time parents who AREN'T nervous, so I feel good knowing that we are normal (in that regard at least!).  The nerves will probably subside once we get more involved in the adoption community (MT is hooking us up with a 3 day adoption seminar as well as other events) until the day when we meet our future kiddo and they finally come to live with us.  For now though, I'll enjoy every minute of those nerves!

The Room

It's still a HUGE work in progress, but the painting is done except for a few touch ups I need to do and some paint needs to be added to the top of the closet.  As promised, there are pictures!  

First coat of blue.

Blue and white walls after the paint has dried and the tape removed.

The green wall (still drying) and the closet.

The room is still a disaster.  It took all 4 days of my holiday weekend to get to this point.  Let's just say that the 3 1/2 hours of power sanding painted-over splatter paint didn't help expedite the process.  The furniture has started arriving in boxes, so hopefully the room will be completely put together within the next weekend or two unless we end up ordering a second bed, then it may take longer.


I didn't really elaborate why it's so important to get the room together as fast as we are.  When we have our home study done we have to have a room in place for our potential kiddo.  The home study will potentially be the first of the year, but just in case we have a social worker who's in a hurry to get things going before the end of the year, we figured it would be wise to go ahead and get it really ready.  Obviously, we have no clue what colors our child/children will like, but we can (quickly) repaint before they come to stay with us and match the room to their tastes.  We just want to make sure that for the time being the space is fun and welcoming.  I realized after painting these colors that they are probably more appropriate to a boy, but maybe a girl would like them too.  If not, I'll be spending a weekend speed-painting again.  At least the sanding is done now! 


That's all for tonight's post.  This Saturday is our last MAPP class, so there will be more after our class.  I'm sad to see the classes end, but thrilled that we are that much closer to becoming a forever family!

Our Kiddo's Room, Other Unrelated Thoughts & Gratitude...

Like many expectant parents, we have the joy (and frustration) of designing our future child's bedroom.  However, unlike many of the expecting parents we know, our child will not be a tiny baby who has yet to develop it's own likes and dislikes as far as decorating is concerned.  Instead, we are designing a child's room that has to match a child from the age of 5 to 17 and be appropriate for either a boy or a girl.  No big deal, right?  WRONG!  To say that I have agonized over this silly 10x12 room would be an understatement the size of Texas!  I have looked at no less than 500 different bedroom furniture sets online (including driven 2 1/2 hours (one way) just to look at some of the furniture), looked at countless paint colors, and on and on and on.  Not knowing the personality or tastes of our future kiddo has really made planning their room a challenge, but I want it to be as comfortable and welcoming as possible.  We have finally decided on a furniture set (which should be here this coming week) and instead of having a house-full for Thanksgiving, we will be painting their bedroom.  I will be sure to post pictures once the paint is all on the walls.  Hopefully it will all be done in time for our home study....

I'm pretty sure that Mama S is about ready to have a vacation away from me after all the stressing I've done on the room.  I am lucky to have such a patient wife!  She doesn't realize how patient she really is and worries that she won't be patient enough with our kids.  I think (much like what already happens) we will make up for each other's short comings and everything will work out just fine.  We still have yet to decide on which of us will look best on our adoption paperwork and have put that decision on hold until after we get the room done and our MAPP classes are completed.  (It seems that my last post was therapeutic, so thank you for letting me vent!)

We realized yesterday that this will more than likely be our last holiday season without children.  What an exciting thought!  To think that we will have a family to continue traditions and create new ones with means more than I can say.  I hope that we will be able to give our children wonderful experiences to build fond memories of as they grow older.  It seems that the further into our process we get, the more love I have for our future children.  The thought struck me as odd in a way because we really have no idea who we will be adopting as of yet, but I can honestly say that I already love them.  We both know that raising our children will by no means be easy, but having the opportunity to love them will be worth every challenge placed before us. 

As I wrap up tonight's post, I just have to say that despite not being able to adopt our child together, we are so grateful for the chance at having a family.  So, in this season of giving thanks,  I give thanks for the law makers who made this possible for Mama S and me, as well as for the families who have fought to bring us this far.  I hope and pray that they are blessed for supporting our families.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Who Looks Better On Paperwork....

...and no, I am not referring to a perspective adoptee.  We attended a meeting on LGBT adoption Tuesday night (despite me being sick as a dog) and were smacked with a very heart breaking reality.  When the adoption ban was determined to be unconstitutional there was no rewriting of the law.  They simply made it so that gay people could adopt.  However, this means that there is nothing written with regards to second parent adoption or couples adoption.  We were told that if someone challenged the law at this point in time it would more than likely lead to the law being put back in place and the LGBT community in Florida would be right back to where we started.  What this means for us though is that we now have to decide between the two of us who looks best on paperwork.  That means who has the best job, references, traits and on and on.  It also means that only one of us will be the legal parent of our child.  One. Of. Us.  The fact that we would both be recognized (or so we thought) was one of the things we were both so thrilled about with adoption.  Mere words cannot express my disappointment and, to be honest, bitterness at this point.  Mama S got her negative feelings out of her system earlier this week, but it really hit me hard and I am not sure what to do with these feelings.  There are feelings of heartache, bitterness, anger, fear for our future child, and more than anything, the feeling of being teased by the carrot on the stick of equality again.  I fear for our child because I am so afraid as to what would happen if (God forbid) anything happened to the one who was able to legally adopt our child.  Yes, there are Wills that can be written and yes, there are measures we can take (like remaining active in the foster care system as one social worker suggested), but at the end of the day how safe will our child be?  We all have heard horror stories of the birth/legal parent of a child dying and then the partner's rights to the children they had raised be contested by the birth/legal parent's surviving family...and the family wins and the children are taken away.  One can hope in this day and age that would not happen, but we do, after all, live in the south.  Besides this, how can we really pick who is the best to represent our family?  We are a unit, as all couples are, and we are raising our children within said unit.  The beauty of our relationship is that, where one lacks the other makes up for (patience, experience, etc).  We are being denied the right at being recognized as a family, and it REALLY SUCKS!  I feel like we are being forced, in a way, to live a lie by "pretending" that we are not both the parents of our kiddos.  That is not fair to our children nor is it to us!  We are both just stunned that it is even a question.  MT sympathized with us today, and gave us some tips as to how to keep our family safe should anything happen to the legal parent, but it still stings.  My heart breaks too at the thought that when our child/children see their birth certificate and ask why only one Mama is listed on it instead of both that we will have to explain to them that the laws do not recognize our family. What will it do to their little hearts?  I hope that they know that our love is deeper than what the law imposes on us.  But, for now, we still have to decide who looks better on paperwork...

I'm a Noob...

Yes, you read that right...I'm a noob.  (For you who don't know what that means, I'll post it in the glossary, even though it has nothing to do with our process other than me being goofy.)  I was freaking out and stressing over all the letters we had to write and things we had to do.  After 5 drafts, the letter finally came together for the "Dear Birth Mother" letter, mainly because a dear friend was willing to share her thoughts with me.  The "Dear Child" letter was cake and Mama S found a CAD program online to make the floor plan.  We did ALL of this stuff and were so proud that we had it when we got to class and we both even busted through paperwork to try to get all of ours finished....only to be told by MT that we Didn't. Have. To. Do. It.  She forgot to mention to us that because we are adopting and NOT fostering that we will have different things to do for our case and that the letters, scrapbook (thankfully I STILL hadn't started on it!), floor plan and pictures were not needed yet.  I think she saw the expression I had and told us that it was good to have it in our file either way for when our Case Worker takes over.  So yes, all that stress for nothing.  I say I am a noob for this because all week long Mama S kept saying that we should wait to talk to MT about the homework as she was wondering if we really needed to do it.  I was absurdly insistent that we indeed needed to do the homework and drove myself nuts (probably Mama S too) trying to get it done.  She has had a few "I told you so" moments of glory to bask in, don't you worry.

MT wasn't kidding when she said we would be talking about suicide and loss.  There were definitely some startling statistics...the kind that make your heart break and make you sick to your stomach all at once.  The state of Florida has something like a 12% suicide rate (if I remember it right, don't have my notes in front of me), yet our county alone has a 15.5% rate! 15.5%!!!  I still can't wrap my head around how that's possible....about how our county can have such a rate....or how our state can even have such a rate.  We were put through QPR training (Question, Persuade, Refer) for suicide prevention in hopes that we will recognize the signs in our children if they ever reach the point of wanting to harm themselves.  I have to say this:  I HIGHLY recommend this training for ANYONE working with young people or even people in general and I'm grateful that we were given the opportunity to have this training.  

I have to say, I feel very fortunate that we are going the route we are with our adoption.  So far, DCF has been incredible.  They really seem supportive of the kids they are wanting to find permanent families for, as well as our family.  To be specific, we had to fill out reams (no exaggeration) of paperwork and on one of the packets it asked our marital status.  This is always a sticky question for us to navigate considering the fact we were married in Massachusetts but neither the state we live in, nor the Federal Government will recognize our marriage.  We asked MT about how we should fill it out and she told us to write MARRIED on our form, that to her and everyone in DCF who will touch our paperwork, we effectively are married!  That means that we will actually have a state document acknowledging our marriage! Wow!  This is the first time in a year and a half our union has been recognized as such and it's pretty incredible that they would honor our family by treating us totally equal.  Then, the fact that DCF is so eager to make sure that they have people who will truly care about kids instead of people just there for a paycheck means a lot to me.  MT seems quite good at weeding out those that seem to just see fostering as an employment opportunity, which will hopefully mean that the kids being placed in foster care will be well taken care of and loved.  

All in all, much was realized and learned this week.  The classes definitely are NOT easy, but they make you do the soul searching you need to in this process.  I won't speak for Mama S, but I am certainly looking forward to our next class!!

Much on the Mind

Yes, I know I just blogged 2 days ago, but there's much on my mind that will serve me better on paper...erm, blog.

First of all, there's the joy of writing the "Dear Birth Parent" letter.  I was very student-like and mapped out all of the points we needed to touch upon, even being sure to integrate the points that had some connection to each other.  (Mama S found that quite amusing I must say!)  Once I started typing out the letter (it has to be hand written, but I'm typing the rough draft for easy editing) it's like my brain just stopped functioning.  Maybe I just need to have a word-vomit session and write everything that comes to mind without filtering for quality.  I won't feel too bad though, when handed the computer Mama S just stared at it blankly for a few minutes before handing it back to me.  LOL.  A vict...um, volunteer, is also needed to proof-read it before it can be hand written.  (Do I see any hands?!)  Did I mention this all has to happen by Saturday at 9am?  No pressure!  (And yet, here I am blogging instead of pouring my heart out in a letter....hmm.)

Maybe I can blame the fact that I have horrid writer's block on my Mom.  After all, as Freud says, "If it's not one thing, it's your Mother".  Today is the 12 year anniversary of her death.  Yes, I know 12 years is a long time, but I guess there are parts of me that still revert back to a 14 year old girl when it comes to the loss. For some reason, it's bothered me in waves today.  I went from being teary-eyed to just fine, then right back again.  Poor Mama S has gotten the brunt of it...I've not been exactly the most cheerful person today.  She's understanding though...the fact that she lost her Mom the same year I lost mine (only she was older and seems to have adjusted to her mother loss in a much more normal way) helps her understand why I am the way I am.  It may be my insecurity coming through, but sometimes I really wonder if I will know how to parent a child past the age of 14.  That's how old I was when my Mom died, so I didn't really get to see the mother-daughter relationship develop into the teenage years.  I have already ordered a copy of Motherless Mothers (written by Hope Edelman) for my iPad.  I figure it will help me figure out the mother-loss issues that come up when we get further into the adoption process.  It's funny to me that when we were trying to get pregnant I had already declared that I would go to therapy to deal with those issues.  Didn't occur to me to do the same with the adoption until a recent conversation with a friend.  I guess it was a "Duh!" moment.

Enough of my carrying on about mother-loss.  Yes, it shapes my life and I'm sure it will shape the way that I parent our children, but I try to not dwell on it quite so much normally. Once we have the "Dear Birth Parent" letter done, we'll be posting it for you all to read.  We have to write a letter to our future child/children as well, but first we'll do the detailed letter and then reward ourselves with the fun, more simple one.  Until then, time to get back to work!

MAPP classes

Yesterday was our first MAPP class and I had really wanted to come home and blog about it while it was still fresh in my mind....but after 6 hours of activities, lessons, videos and horror stories, my brain was mush.  This may or may not be a lengthy post because my brain is still mush and I have to get ready to go to work in a few minutes.  (Yes, I am aware it's Halloween, but I figure that this will be the last batch of holidays that we won't have a kid or two...might as well work while I can!)

Right, so MAPP classes...  Our instructor is a social worker who has been in the field for 25 years and is the only one in our area to teach the course (hence the abundance of horror stories me thinks).  MAPP Trainer (MT) is definitely a great teacher, and she takes no crap from ANYONE, which is refreshing considering some adults missed out on basic school lessons like not talking when the teacher is, but I digress...  In our particular training we will have ten lessons we have to cover.  Yesterday we covered the different groups of people taking our course (foster, foster to adopt, and adopting) and then went over who each works.  She explained in some depth how our process would go as well as how kids are removed from their homes and taken into care.  Quite a lot of the discussion centered more around fostering, as that's what most people there are planning to do.  Next week we start talking about loss and helping our children with attachments.  MT said to be prepared to talk about suicide at the beginning of next week's class.  Joy.

We will have some homework, and were provided with a few assignments that I'm already obsessing over now.  First (and possibly the easiest) we have to have pictures of ourselves and our pets if possible, which could be quite funny in my opinion, considering the fact we have 6 cats and 2 dogs.  Secondly, we have to write a short letter to our future child, sharing with them different things they may want to know about us.  Then, we also have to write a letter tot he parents of the child and share with them things that may make them more comfortable having their children placed with us.  Those two seem fairly easy in theory, but we haven't sat down to actually write them out yet.  Last but DEFINITELY not least, we have to design a scrapbook for our social worker (due at the end of our classes) to show our future kids where we live, who we are, etc.  I am MAJORLY sweating this one!  First of all, I am a horrible perfectionist and this sort of thing makes me twitch...not even going to lie about that.  Second of all, I am NOT creative and keep fretting over how to make our scrapbook inviting to a child from the age of 4-17 of either gender.  Can we say challenge!?  I need a few more hours in the day and maybe an extra day or two in the week to feel like I can have a remote chance at accomplishing this.  If anyone has a few extra hours lying about, I seriously wouldn't mind buying them off of you.  I may need them!  Oh! I almost forgot, we have to draw out a floor plan of our house indicating which bedroom will be our child/children's room(s).  MT has me figured out already, as she was sure to tell us that it didn't have to be drawn on graph paper to scale...she was saying this looking straight at me! LOL  At least that will be easy compared to the scrapbook!

One final thought before I close...when MT mentioned that we would be talking about suicide she also mentioned the high number of LGBT kids in foster care right now.  When I say kids, I mean kids...as in children as young as 8 or 9 years old!  Mama S and I had already considered adopting a Deaf child or two, but now we both really feel as though we should look into opening our home to an LGBT youth as well.  Of course, there are many things that can happen between now and that time, but it's food for thought.
 

9am-4pm for the next 5 weekends...

...excluding Thanksgiving of course...we will be sitting in our MAPP classes. I'm so nervous that I may just toss my cookies between now and 9am tomorrow morning. Yes, I know that I shouldn't be so nervous, especially because this is the "easy" part, but part of me is wondering about that Valium I asked for a few posts ago. (Again, just kidding Mr. or Ms. Social Worker!) I guess I'm so nervous because I want so badly to be sure to be a good parent and I'm being overly concerned. Mama S is completely relaxed and calm. Good thing too...don't need both of us spazing! Between my caffeine consumption today and my nerves I may not sleep tonight...which may make for an amusing post tomorrow after MAPP class is over. Hehe.

A closing thought...hopefully this time next year we'll be carving pumpkins and adding finishing touches to Halloween costumes. One can hope at least! :-)

The Ban is Officially Gone!

Tonight's blog won't be lengthy.  I saw this in the online news and it tickled me.  It makes the possibility of our adoption a certain one now....well, certain as long as we pass our Home Study (which we will!). 

Without further ado...here's the article:

Florida ends ban on gay, lesbian adoptions

By the CNN Wire Staff

(CNN) -- Florida's ban on adoptions by gay men and lesbians came to an official end Friday.

Attorney General Bill McCollum said the case that led to the overturning of the state's 33-year-old law wasn't the "right case" to take to the state's Supreme Court.

Licensed foster parent Frank Martin Gill had sued to have the ban overturned. He wanted to adopt two boys who had been placed in his care after the Florida Department of Children and Families removed them from their home for neglect.

Gill and his partner have been raising the boys for six years.

"We are relieved that this process has finally come to an end, and that we can focus on being a family," Gill said in a statement released Friday. "All children deserve a chance at finding a stable, loving and permanent home. Over the 33 years of the ban, this archaic law has harmed countless foster children by denying them a forever family."

Earlier this month, the Department of Children and Families announced it would not appeal a September decision by the state's 3rd District Court of Appeal that found the law unconstitutional.

"We had weighed an appeal to the Florida Supreme Court to achieve an ultimate certainty and finality for all parties," said Joe Follick, the department's communications director.

"But the depth, clarity and unanimity of the DCA opinion -- and that of Miami-Dade Judge Cindy Lederman's original circuit court decision -- has made it evident that an appeal would have a less than limited chance of a different outcome."

The appeals court opinion made adoption possible for gay and lesbians in Florida statewide.

The state agency said it has removed from adoption forms the question about an applicant's sexual orientation. Gov. Charlie Crist ordered the department to stop enforcing the law after Lederman's ruling.

Florida was the only remaining state to prohibit gay adoption.

Brandon Hensler of the American Civil Liberties Union of Florida told CNN it is possible that some other case might try to challenge the court decisions, but he thinks such a move is unlikely.

Gill and his supporters planned to celebrate McCollum's decision late Friday.

CNN's John Couwels contributed to this report.

I highly recommend this book....

The last time we perused the bookstore shelves I ran across a book called Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, written by Sherrie Eldridge.  Keeping in mind the fact that I'm only 14% of the way through the book (according to the Kindle app on my iPad), I'm already experiencing face-palm moments.  She uses her own experiences as an adoptee, as well as experiences of others she has interviewed, to explain the feelings of loss that a child who is adopted may experience.  To be honest, we had talked about knowing that our children will more than likely have abandonment issues and trust issues stemming from whatever their experiences have been with their birth families and in the foster care system, but never once did it cross my mind that there may be feelings of loss.  DUH!  Like I said, major face-palm moments.  

Given this new realization, I feel much more confident in my ability to parent a child who is grieving the loss of their birth family.  Grief and loss are emotions that I know quite well after my mom died when I was 14 (followed by my aunt when I was 17, my great-aunt when I was 18, and my grandmother when I was 21 (not that I'm keeping track!)).  Point is, I understand that kind of loss.  Death is different than separation, but now I know to look for the grief and make sure to include our child's history in our family.  Once I'm done reading the book, Mama S is going to read it.  She may not have quite as many face-palm moments as I do (I was informed tonight that she had already considered what I had overlooked), but I think it's wise for ANY adoptive family to read.  After reading the book, I definitely can't wait to start incorporating the traditions of our children into our family!  

After all this self-discovery, I also recognize that we have 10 (yes, 10!) more days until we start MAPP classes!!! Let the count down begin!

Time flies!

I just realized that we start MAPP classes 2 weeks from tomorrow.  Two. Weeks.  It seems time flies when you're busier than a one legged man in a butt-kicking contest.  Two weeks from now + 5 weeks of class + 2 to 3 weeks of lag time waiting for the case worker to schedule the start of our Home Study = a TON less time than I had in my head originally! 


This all means that we will be spending the next holiday weekends (Thanksgiving and Christmas/New Years) getting the house ready.  Here's the to-do list for us between now and then:


-  Order and assemble to bedroom set we found for the bedroom for our future kiddo.
-  Finish the flooring in places downstairs and all of upstairs.
-  Decide what we're doing with the bathroom and get it done.  (We have a new vanity and sink, but need to decide what sort of flooring to put in there and need to repair the (badly done) patches in the drywall.)
-  We need to paint the room that we will be putting said future kiddo in.
-  Child-proofing (and really parent-proofing) equipment needs to be installed.
-  More smoke detectors need to be purchased, including one that flashes a light for when/if we are able to adopt a Deaf child.
-  The garage needs to look less like a bomb went off.
-  Last but certainly not least....I need to scrub down everything....floor to ceiling.  


Me thinks it's time to cut down on the work hours a bit if I can.  Forty to fifty hour work weeks aren't conducive to getting anything accomplished at home and I feel bad leaving Mama S to do all the work.  


So....anyone know anything about tiling?  Their efforts will be paid for by tasty meals and many thank-yous! ;-)

Florida has finally grown a brain!!!

I'm so happy I could squeal!!! However, being that I am at work it would probably not be a good idea.  Mama S and I have been greatly concerned over the possibility that Florida would change it's mind so to speak and take our right to adopt away again.  (Visions of California with their fight to allow same-sex marriage comes to mind.)  Now the two of us, and all the other queer-parents-to-be in the state of Florida can rest easy!  The Department of Children and Families (DCF) will NOT appeal the ruling stating that the ban is unconstitutional!!  The timing is amazing considering the fact that National Coming Out day was yesterday AND a federal judge has placed an injunction to prevent any more of our LGBT service members from being discharged for being who they are.  What a day!!!  To quote my friend J1 (I'm stealing her blog alias as she also has a blog on lesbian parenting) "Holy shit! Is it gay rights month?".  I think we're all wondering that right this very minute!

For your reading pleasure,  here is the article announcing DCF's decision not to appeal.  May you squeal with glee for/with me! 

Florida won't appeal overturn of gay adoption ban

Posted: October 12, 2010 - 5:16pm

TALLAHASSEE - The Department of Children and Families won't appeal to the Supreme court a ruling that the state's gay adoption ban is unconstitutional.
Gov. Charlie Crist had already said he wouldn't seek enforcement of the law, considered the nation's strictest. DCF said Tuesday an appeal had a "less than limited chance" of succeeding.
DCF also said that the appeals court ruling applies statewide.
The 3rd District Court of Appeal last month upheld a finding that there is "no rational basis" for the gay adoption ban.
The American Civil Liberties Union, representing gay parent Martin Gill, urged an appeal to the Supreme Court to make sure the ban would be lifted statewide, but agrees with DCF that the ruling applies to all state courts.

One step down...5,203,948,203,984,032,984,023,984 to go. At least that's what it seems.

I'm sure I'll get a few "I told you so"s from people about being such a spaz over the Orientation.  At least Mama S was slightly loony too over not knowing what to expect tonight!  Made me feel a little better, hehe.  It was pretty basic and mostly information we had already found out online.  A few adjustments to laws have been made very recently, which was news to us.  I was surprised at two things.  One, out of 93 people that signed up for the Orientation tonight only 40ish actually showed up (sad really).  And two, the vast majority of those people only wanted to foster and not adopt.  Not surprising considering it is a DCF orientation.  I'm stunned at how many people spend gobs of money to adopt when there are wonderful kids waiting in the system for virtually free.  All the fees (fingerprinting and home study fees) total less than $100.  I recently was told that someone going through a private agency locally was told that it would be $21,000 for a white child and $13,000 for a black child.  How sad this is to me!  We shouldn't be putting price tags on our children's heads!  I digress....

The next step out of the seemingly limitless to-do list is to take MAPP classes.  We are registered for our 5 weeks worth of classes and start Oct. 30th!!!  Translation:  6 hours on a Saturday for 5 weeks.  Once we get the MAPP certification, it's good for 5 years and we can foster or adopt with said certification.  After this, the dreaded Home Study begins and our lives and all our intimate details will get picked apart.  Sounds like a load of fun...  The mantra that will get us through is:  "It will all be worth it when we become parents....It will all be worth it when we become parents.....It will all be wor....".  You get the picture.  

Orientation = Excitement + Anxiety

We have Orientation on Monday night and it marks the first step in the adoption process.  (Insert HUGE, deep breath right here.)  I've pretty much been counting down the days, and now that it's LITERALLY the day after tomorrow, I'm getting a bit spastic.  Yes, I know...if I'm this antsy over Orientation then how will I be when it's time for our Home Study?  I see Valium in my near future (just kidding Mr. or Ms. Case Worker!).  I just feel like first impressions are ridiculously important, and this is our first impression for the process...and I REALLY don't want to blow it!  No pressure, right? HA!  Anywho...

So in our process, what does Orientation mean?  It means that we get to go listen to all the positives and negatives of fostering/adopting and, as long as we still feel like it's the right path for us, we register for our MAPP classes.  For me, it's the first stepping stone across the river, and the other bank (parenthood) is so far from where we are, that we can barely see it.  I know it's there, but there are loads of stepping stones and some rough patches in between.  The journey may be difficult at times, but the end result will be SOOOOOOOOOOO worth it!!

Top ten reasons to adopt an older child

Yes, we actually came up with these.  Some are in jest, but others are serious.  I'll leave it to you to figure out which is which. ;-)

10.  Limited to no need for day care

9.    NO diaper duty!! 

8.    They are done teething

7.    No worry over them hitting their head on our fireplace when learning to walk (we were seriously considering wrapping it bubble-wrap when the time came if we gave birth to kids)

6.   Holidays are really exciting to them, whereas you don't see that excitement until age 2 or 3. (Seriously, how many 6 year olds don't like baking cookies with mom?)

5.   If we adopt a Deaf child, (planning on it) they will get to go to work with mommy every day.

4.   Instant helper.  Kids always love helping mommy make dinner and do projects!

3.   We don't have to wait to start family traditions with our kiddos.  We can all enjoy the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade while the turkey cooks. :-)

2.   Tooth Fairy or Homecoming will come around a LOT sooner! (Depending on the age of course)

1.   Hearing "mommy" without waiting a year or two for our child to learn to talk!

The adoption ban falls in Florida!

This article (below) greeted my eyes at 3:30pm, Wednesday, September 22, 2010.  I was due to have my first round of infertility treatments the following week.  Over the course of the year, we had tried several times with the help of our known donor to get pregnant.  In June I was told that I had Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, and the grief was indescribable.  All I could think of was not being able to have a child.  To be honest, I had not wanted to get pregnant, but the only way we would be able to adopt was if we moved to another state or lied.  I was not going to build our family on a lie, and moving was going to be the last option if we were unable to have our own children.  When this flashed across my smart phone screen via a headline news app, I cried.  It was perfect!  We would have children regardless of what state my fertility was in!  

Mama S and I have jokingly talked about how wonderful it will be to adopt a child who has already been potty trained and is well past the "terrible 2s".  We know that adoption isn't going to be easy.  We know that with adopting older kids comes the chance of abandonment issues and trauma from their history, but that's ok.  For us, the child or children we adopt will be ours and the opportunity to love them will be all that matters.  I can't wait to complete our classes, home study and be able to meet our first child! 

MIAMI — Florida will immediately stop enforcing its ban on adoptions by gay people following a decision by a state appeals court that the three-decade-old law is unconstitutional, Gov. Charlie Crist said Wednesday.

Crist announced the decision after the 3rd District Court of Appeal upheld a 2008 ruling by a Miami-Dade judge, who found "no rational basis" for the ban when she approved the adoption of two young brothers by Martin Gill and his male partner.

"I'm very pleased with the ruling on behalf of the Gills," Crist told reporters in Tallahassee. "It's a great day for children. Children deserve a loving home."

The appeals court decision is not the final word on the law. Gill and the American Civil Liberties Union, which represented him and his partner, want the state to take the case to the Florida Supreme Court to obtain a final statewide determination on the law.

"If that continues to be their desire, we would support that, and I think given the makeup of the current Supreme Court they would have a very good chance to get a very good ruling," said Crist, a former Republican running for the U.S. Senate as an independent.

Earlier this month, Crist's campaign issued a position paper supporting several gay rights issues he'd once opposed, including adoption rights.

The prohibition was first enacted in 1977 and is the only law of its kind in the nation, according to court records. Arkansas and Utah ban any unmarried straight or gay couples from adopting or fostering children. Mississippi bans gay couples, but not single gays, from adopting.

"Clearly, Florida's law was the most draconian in the nation until today," said Robert Rosenwald, the lead counsel on the case for the Florida ACLU.

In a 28-page opinion, a three-judge panel of the court noted that gay people are permitted to become foster parents or legal guardians in Florida, yet are the only group not allowed to adopt.