The 3 1/2 Hour Full Disclosure Meeting

Yes, you read that title correctly.  Our Full Disclosure meeting was 3.5 hours.  This is after driving 4.5 hours to the city our kiddo lives in for said meeting (after both of us working full 8 hour days), then having the meeting this morning, and driving home.  Needless to say, we are both EXHAUSTED.  Mama S and I didn't have to attend in person, but we felt that it was too important to not be there in person.  Considering the fact that the meeting wasn't even scheduled until Monday afternoon, it's pretty impressive that we managed to pull it all off with little to no preparation ahead of time.  

So the meeting...if you all remember, we received our kiddo's file when we went to meet her not even 2 weeks ago.  Since that time we have been busy reading, notating, highlighting and tabbing all 581 pages of it.  Again, you read that number correctly.  581 pages.  Fortunately for all of us involved, they didn't actually READ all those pages, but just stuck with the most recent child study, which was lengthy in it's own right.  I was fairly surprised that there weren't more people in attendance as we thought the Guardian ad Litem, supervisor of adoptions and therapist would also be there.  Instead, we had the friend-worker, case worker, adoption recruiter, Mama S and myself, which was a relief to be perfectly honest.  The majority of our questions were answered and the few that don't have answers yet have been added to the list for her workers to find out for us.  

It was great to hear from our girl's worker that she seems just as anxious to see what the next step is as we are.  Apparently, she had texted her at some point after meeting us and asked what happens next.  It gives us peace of mind to hear that she wants to know what is going on.  The answer to that question...supervised visitation.  We will be hearing back some time in the next few days about when we get to go back to see her, but the planned time is some time the week of Thanksgiving.  However, they did mention that they may go ahead and give her our phone numbers, so we can chat on the phone before the next visit.  :-)  As we were leaving, they were working out a time to take her the scrapbook, journal and pen set we got for her.  Now we're back to the waiting game, but at least the waiting span is getting shorter in time.  

When We First Met...

Though I only posted a few days ago, I wanted to go ahead and blog right after the Match Staffing and adoption event to make sure that everything is still fairly fresh in my memory.  Mama S and I have been on an emotional roller coaster this week, and now that the anxiety has mostly faded, I felt it would be a good time to tell you all about our joys without that tinge of panic in the background.  :-)

So our Match Staffing was on Wednesday, and I don't know how to put into english the anxiety this basic little meeting held for both of us.  As per usual, Mama S was more even keeled, but even she said she was nervous and ready for it to be over.  From what we can gather (we were represented by our family worker and not allowed to be present) the meeting went a little less than an hour and a half.  We got one email in that time frame from our kiddo's worker asking clarification on something, but otherwise we had no idea if things were going well or what was going on.  We finally got a call 2 1/2 hours after the meeting had started from our godsend saying that we had been matched!  We were completely overjoyed and relieved and all those other complicated emotions that come from something that can have such a profound affect on your life.

We only had a breather for about a day before the nerves crept back in, as we knew the weekend was fast approaching.  Translation: we would get to meet our girl.  We had been told by all her workers, as well as our worker, not to let on that we even knew who she was.  We were to just interact with her, just like we did the other kids, and that was that.  I think their plan would have worked out rather well, except that someone spilled the beans...No one actually fessed up to spilling the beans, but we have our suspicions as to who it was and are FOREVER grateful for their actions.  

I guess detailing the events of the entire morning would be better than the bits and pieces I seem to be telling.  We arrived at the venue for the event about 45 minutes early.  (Poor Mama S has learned after being with me for so long that if I'm anxious about an event, I will completely freak out if I'm not there at least 20 minutes early, so she humored me.)  We went through registration feeling as though EVERYONE worker wise seemed to know who we were, even though we had never been to anything like this with anyone from there before.  As we were going into the building for orientation, our kiddo's friend-worker came up to us and gave us a big hug.  She told us later that she recognized us from the pictures in our homestudy (apparently the kiddo's worker showed them to her).  

Fast forward now to the beginning of the orientation.  The head of adoptions for the area stood up and said a few words and then said something to the effect of "there is a family or two here who has come to see a specific child, you know who you are....make sure you see us at the end of the event today", and looked dead at us.  Once orientation was over, we broke into groups and went off to interact with the kids at the event.  As we were walking to meet the first group of kids, we happened to pass our kiddo and her friend-worker, who waved feverishly as we walked past.  We were pretty sure we knew what she was doing, so we played along and waved back.  A little while later, the head of adoptions came up to us and said that our kiddo turned to her on the drive there and said "I know I'm going to meet my family today.".  We felt a little better knowing that she knew, but were still apprehensive about how to interact with her when the time came.  About 3 activities into the day, the friend-worker found us and said that our kiddo was bouncing from group to group trying to figure out who/where we were, because she knew she was matched with us.  Not too long after that, the two of them came walking up and we spent the rest of the activity time getting to know each other.  She is such a neat girl!!!!  Seeing her smile, hearing her laugh, listening to her talk about her interests....just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.  The rest of the day she kept coming up and finding us, introducing us to her friends who were there, checking over her shoulder to make sure we were still there.  At the very end of the event, we hugged and told her we look forward to seeing her again.  

We're sure that she's going to need time to process and she may have a ton more questions the next time we see her.  Mama S and I are hopeful that she will be open to having us as her family after she's had a while to process.  Her friend-worker said that she was very open with us, which was a very good sign.  We hope that openness lasts.  

As the kids and prospective families were leaving, we caught up with her worker and managed to smuggle out her file, without her noticing.  We brought the worker our scrapbook, journal (I made for her) and some fun colored pens we got her, so hopefully our girl will get them soon.  We now are charged with the task of reading through the file, which is easily the size of a phone book (remember those?).  Mama S started reading it outloud on the drive back, and we've since been working through it, highlighting and marking things we felt were important or we have questions about.  Now, we just have to prepare for our Full Disclosure meeting in a week or two. We both are thrilled to know that we're finally moving forward and can hardly wait to see our girl again.  

Match Staffing and Meeting Our Kiddo!!!

As you can tell by the title of this blog MANY things have happened in the course of the last few weeks.  I've been too busy to post until now, and this post is serving two purposes:  it's being informational for those of you who read but are not on my Facebook, and it's being therapeutic for me.  For those of you who have already seen all of this on Facebook, just stop reading here unless you want a repeat of everything I've been randomly posting when I had a second or two to spare.  :-)

My last blog entry mentions waiting to see if Mama S and I could get a family worker in order to be able to get the Child Study on the 16 year old we inquired about.  As I have said before and will continue to say again, the people who are working with us on our adoption are INCREDIBLE!  The supervisor and the worker who did our Homestudy (we'll call her our godsend for purposes of this blog) decided that our godsend would be our "family worker" for the rest of the process with this kiddo.  We. Are. Thrilled!  Not only does she have a good handle on who we are and all that other good stuff, but she also KNOWS her stuff and we trust her judgement completely.  All of this being said, we were scheduled for our Match Staffing before even getting set up with our godsend to go over the Child Study.  We have since gone over the Child Study, and we both felt it would be appropriate to move forward.  That being said, our Match Staffing will be taking place some time on Wednesday!!!  Mama S and I both thought we had to be present for it, but instead we can stay home (work really) and have our anxiety attacks from the comfort of our own place of employment.  Instead, our godsend will be representing us to the Match committee.  From what I've gathered, the committee is made up of the kiddo's workers (2 that I know of), and a number of other important people.  We will hopefully know the same day what their decision is, as they may take longer that the set meeting time to determine if we're a good match (lots of factors play into that).

All this Match Staffing business is exciting and stressful and amazing and all that rolled into one, but couple that with the fact that we have been invited to an adoption event where we get to MEET THE KIDDO, and well, you have both of us pretty wild eyed.  One of the workers involved with our kiddo invited us to an adoption event this coming weekend. We were told that the kiddo would be in attendance and that it would be a good opportunity to interact with her.  The only catch?  We can't tell her we were matched with her, as she won't find out until after we receive "Full Disclosure" roughly a week after our Match Staffing.  This means that we will get pretty much all her information and have a short period of time (as in days) to review it all and decide if we still want to move forward with the process.  After we say "yes", they tell her that a family is interested in her and give her time for it to sink in.  From there, we shall see what happens, but we're hopeful that all will go smoothly and we will be this much closer to being her parents.  :-)

The rest of the process will still take time.  Months and months to be realistic, but at least she may get a family out of the deal and we may get a daughter.  I just hope that she is placed with the right family, even if it isn't us (though we both really want it to be!) and that she can be loved for who she is.  All I'll say is this, she's an INCREDIBLE girl who has some potential to do amazing things, and hopefully we can be the family who gets to watch her do nothing but succeed. 

Slow and Steady

The past month seems to have gone by slowly as far as adoption progress is concerned, though slow and steady isn't necessarily a bad thing.  As I had mentioned before, we have submitted several inquiries, waited on more info and made some decisions regarding our family being able to fit the needs of a kiddo.  It seemed as though we were in a perpetual limbo of submitting inquiry then waiting for more information.  However, I am now pleased to report that we are finally moving out of the inquire and wait phase! 

My last post made mention of submitting inquiries about a 16 year old girl as well as a 14 year old boy.  Oddly enough, the worker for the 14 year old hasn't been in touch with us since receiving our homestudy.  This is strange considering the fact that she sent us several emails asking us questions and had us fill out a questionnaire.  In a way, I feel that it happened this way for a reason, as we have gotten much further in our process with the 16 year old girl, and perhaps the boy found a potential forever family while they were waiting for our homestudy.  Either way, everything seems to be happening the way it should be, even though we've had a few bumps along the road.

We did get more information on the girl (I feel like she needs a nick name, but haven't thought of one yet).  The worker-friend was so sweet and talked to us for over an hour, giving us as much of history as she could from memory.  We did still have some questions based on what we heard (and still do), so we have been trying to get more information.  Unfortunately, we've run into a bit of a road block at this point, as the agency who did our homestudy does not provide family case workers...and the agency handling our potential kiddo's adoption won't release information to the family without a family worker due to HIPPA regulations.  So we now have an email out to the supervisor of the case worker who did our homestudy to see what our options are as far as acquiring a family worker.

The good news through all of this is that the kiddo's worker feels that once we have a family worker arranged we can get the last bits of information we need and we can have a MATCH STAFFING!!!  She feels we're a good match for the kiddo and wants us to move forward! :-D  Now, we just have to find a family worker, and then we can move on to the next chapter of our adoption story!  It's truly an exciting time, we just don't expect it to move much faster than slow and steady.  

The Inquiry Learning Curve

Before I proceed further with this post, I want to share the joy that Mama S's Homestudy report is FINALLY done!!  We have such an awesome case worker.  She did double the work just so we wouldn't have to choose who the better parent on paper was.  We're so blessed to have her!!!


Now, about the inquiries...as I mentioned last post, we were in the process of submitting inquiries on a 9 year old boy and a 16 year old girl (yes, we're still mental), though we have also submitted one on a 14 year old boy.  Our case worker had to wait on one more signature before submitting the inquiries, so the anticipation had plenty of time to build.  We got a response right away on the boy, who we really felt would have been a fabulous match for us.  That was until we got more information...  We agonized over what to do for nearly a week before deciding that he is an awesome kid who has the potential to thrive with a family, but we felt that we would not be the family for him.  His behaviors and needs were too great a scope compared to what we know we can meet.  I know we made the right decision, but I think we'll always wonder about him and part of me will worry that he gets the family he needs.  As far as the other boy we inquired on (figured I'm talking about boys, might as well complete the thought), we are still waiting for a response from his worker.  His initial profile sounded great, but we're still waiting for more information.


As far as the girl goes....one word:  WOW!!!  I'm trying REALLY hard not to jump the gun, but so far we both are pretty blown away.  It took ages to get information back on her, mainly because there was a mistake made when our homestudy was sent and it took a bit to get ironed out.  Once they had the information to the right person though, we had a phone call almost immediately (Tuesday).  When her worker and I finally stopped playing phone tag, we talked for nearly 45 minutes about her, and then her worker passed on the contact information of a worker who the girl is REALLY close with.  I called right after getting done with a work assignment and left a message with the friend-worker.  Wednesday evening, maybe 2 hours after I left a message, she called me on the phone during the drive home and we talked for at least half an hour and she shared tons of information with me.  She then offered to set up a time to tell the girl's entire story to both Mama S and I via speaker phone.  That phone call is taking place tonight and we are SOOOO excited!  I talked to the friend-worker today when she called to confirm the time and she seems excited too.  I don't want to share too many identifying details about the girl, but I will say that she's athletic, articulate, hard working (keeps her grades up for sports), and, despite all the traumas she's been through, really well-adjusted and healthy.  There's tons more about her, but I want to keep the identifying information private.  

All this being said, no matter what happens, I just hope and pray that she finds a forever family who will love her and let her be the person she is destined to be.  At this point in time, I really hope that we are the family for her, but more than anything we both want her to be placed in a family that will meet her needs and can help her blossom.  Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we work to determine if we can be the forever family for her and that she may know that somewhere there is a family for her.

Adoption 101/102, Child Inquiries and Other Such News

Despite the title of this blog, you all may be spared from my usual lengthly rambling.  It's the beginning of the school year AND I have too many pots in the fire (I know, hard to believe!), aside from the addition of 40 full-time work hours to my week that I didn't have during summer break.  All that rambling being said...it seems as just in the few weeks since I last blogged that we have gone miles in our process but also baby steps.  Yes, those are conflicting statements, but it's the feeling Mama S and I have at the moment. 

I'll touch on the short points before telling the nitty gritty of where we are in the process.  As I mentioned in my last post, Mama S and I were registered for Adoption 101/102.  We were thrilled to go, as it gave us more in-depth information about any post adoption benefits (insurance, subsidies, therapies, etc) as well as what kind of baggage to expect our kiddos to come with and how to best parent to meet their needs.  Another nice thing about our training was that our caseworker was actually the teacher of it, so we had the chance to get to know her a little better with out the Homestudy panic attack involved.  

The class also came with the welcome of a familiar face.  One of the women who was in our MAPP classes was also in attendance.  We got to have a moment of celebration with her as she shared that this was her FINAL step before the adoption of her 2 little ones was finalized later in the week.  Talk about a joyous moment!  She has had an especially trying road, and we are thrilled that things are finally looking up for her little family.  :-)

Two final notes about the class and then I'll dive into what's happening within our process.  Our class consisted of between 10-15 people from various walks in the process.  Mixed within  the group was another lesbian couple and a caseworker from another county (the county my school is in actually).  I was thrilled to see the other couple there because I would love to develop some kind of LGBT parent network within our city, as we often need the support of one another when it comes to knowing who accepting therapists are, which schools are supportive of alternative families and what lawyers will help develop documents to meet the needs of your unique family.  It also so happened that one of the women knows some sign and we began conversing in sign during one of our breaks.  The caseworker noticed this and she and I struck up a conversation.  It turns out that she currently has a Deaf child on her caseload who has already been placed, but wants a copy of our homestudy to keep on file in case she has another one come through.  Talk about exciting!!!  

Alright, now I'll fill you all in on where we are going from here.  We are still awaiting the completion of Mama S's Homestudy report, but we have been told to go ahead and inquire on kids under my completed report.  So far, we have submitted inquiries on 2 children, and are now awaiting responses from both their caseworkers.  At this point all I'll share about them is that one is a 16 year old girl (yes, we are both mental) and the other is a boy who's 9.  IF their caseworkers feel that we are a good match, we will get more information than the little we already have, and we can decide whether or not to proceed.  If we do proceed, their workers will call staffing meetings (especially if there are multiple families vying for the same child) and, from my understanding, essentially interview us. No pressure, right?!?  If we pass that and the workers decide that we are a good match for the kiddo in question, they then arrange a time and place for us to meet the child.  We then get to spend time on and off with the child until they decide to allow them to stay with us for a weekend.  The kicker is that most workers won't provide you with the child's full file/history until AFTER you've spent time with the child and have gotten attached.  In a way, we understand why they do this, but neither Mama S, nor myself are thrilled with the witholding of information, as it seems so unfair to the child in case the family sees something they can't handle within the history, but I'll avoid that soapbox for now.  If the kiddo comes to visit for a weekend and still seems to do well within our family, then their worker will move for temporary placement, which is a period of time lasting between 90-120 days.  As long as all our home visits go well after placement, there is a motion to adopt filed and we get to adopt our child.  Basically, we're still in a waiting game, but it's a different stage in the waiting game.  From what we've been told, from time of inquiry to motion to adopt generally takes 8-12 months.  The process is slow and steady, but it will hopefully allow us to be matched with a child who will grow and thrive within our family.  

Upon reviewing all the words I have just poured out on this page, I suppose I didn't stay true to the possibility of not having a lengthy ramble, but at least everyone is caught up to date.  We are continuing to believe firmly that God has a plan for our family and that everything happens for a reason and at the appropriate time.  With that being said, now we wait!

Have Home Study, Will Inquire!

Drumroll please...OUR HOME STUDY HAS BEEN COMPLETED!!!! 43 days from first home visit to now and 6 months 2 weeks and 1 day after our case was first assigned to a worker, I was finally able to go and sign our completed home study. Our caseworker decided to do two separate home study reports so we can both feel included in the process, but with our full histories in one another's and the only diffence is the order the names will be listed in. She emailed us Monday with my report to have the two of us read over, check for accuracy and send back to her. In totality it's 36 pages of background info, interviews, financial info, pictures and child preferences. The best part was getting to the very end of the home study report and seeing the following:
"... it is the recommendation of [agency] that the following course of action be taken on this placement/license:

Adoptive Home:

(X) Approve
( ) Denied"

Not gonna lie, I definitely cried. Tears were both from joy and relief that this part is over and we can finally move forward. I was even a total geek and screen-printed the screen so I can scrapbook it. (Mama S is fairly sure I've lost my marbles on that part, oh well!) I didn't tell Mama S that we had been approved until after she got home from work, and she was thrilled, though still thought I was cute for crying (again). We knew nothing was official until it had the necessary signatures, but we were finally getting close. Then, yesterday we were told by our case worker that we just needed one more document signed and notarized and we would be good to go, which we had done today. I called her to let her know, in case she had to arrange a meeting before we proceeded. Instead, she told me I could go ahead and come down to the office to sign the papers, as she was done with my report. (The sooner we had one completed the sooner we could inquire about a child/children.)

So, now we are all signed, sealed and complete. In the next few days we'll receive info on where to place inquiries on kids and the process is rather tedious from here, but we both feel comforted knowing that it means we won't be rushed into adopting a child that may not thrive in our family. Between now and finding a child there are many things we can do to become the best family possible for our potential kiddos by attending trainings and meetings on adoption. As it stands, our worker has us registered for an all day workshop she will be teaching called "Adoption 101/102", where we'll learn more about what to expect from a child coming out of foster care and how to care for them in an appropriate way given the traumas they have experienced previously. The class is only offered once in a blue moon, so when she told us about it we cleared out schedules and signed up immediately. I know it's going to be heavy content, but I can't wait to better prepare ourselves for our kids.

In closing, I have to say it feels so good to know that I can say "our kids" and know that us becoming a family isn't just a pipe dream, that it's finally coming to us. We still have a ways to go, but we're finally getting somewhere along the path. I also have to say, we couldn't have gotten so far without the support of our family and friends. Thank you all for all your love, support and shoulders when this road got rocky. You all mean the world to us and we can't wait for the day when we can tell you that our family is growing.

Ah, Reality...

Things with our adoption process have been fairly quiet up until today when our case worker called, but before I go into that I'll give you a little back story first. I think I have mentioned in previous posts that I'm a sign language interpreter. (If I haven't, well now you know!) This past week has been the professional organization I belong to/am certified through's national conference. It was close enough that I figured it would be wise to go. Within the organization there are multiple smaller groups for members to be a part of, and I am of course a member of the LGBTQQI group. That being said, I went to any and all workshops and events hosted by them with the exception of a breakfast that neither Mama S (yup, she came along to be a tourist) nor I could get ourselves up for. Translation for those who are still wondering why I went on about all this, it means my little gay-o-meter was on full and I had forgotten all about all the rights we're lacking and the frustrations I have over things like letting lesbians and gay men serve openly in the military but not allowing their partners to have benefits. I digress...

So back to the main reason why I decided to blog while in the car, headed home from conference (don't worry, Mama S is driving). Our caseworker called not long after we started heading back and said that there had been a bit of a problem. Due to the fact that, despite us being LEGALLY married in another state, because Florida did not recognize our marriage, she could not have us both on the home study report for certification. We had to pick who would be "the parent" and despite her insistence that there would be notes made in the report that the non-listed parent would be co-parenting, it still came at us out of no where. We knew we would have to do that eventually, as we couldn't both be on the birth certificate, but we thought it would be AFTER we had been certified and had found a child together. Frankly, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. We told her we would discuss it and call her back. Thus ensued the angry tears and the discussion neither one of us felt prepared to have. A little while later she called us back and said she explained the situation to her boss and was told that we could have two separate home study reports done (one for each of us), listing one another extensively in each other's reports. It made things a little better, but it feels more like an ice pack was put on the bruise caused by the punch to the gut, and it doesn't take the hurt away completely. This still means that we'll be certified seperately and our casewirker has more work to do (bless her!), but I suppose I should just count the blessings of knowing that we will both be certified to adopt. This was our reality check though, that we live in a place that views us as second class citizens who, despite paying taxes like everyone else, still have to go through things our straight peers would never think possible. I know that we can't wait for the day when the orientation of family won't matter. Until then, we'll just keep plugging along, trying to change our little corner of the world.

Home Visit: Part Two

Maybe a more appropriate title for this post would have been "Home Visit: Part Two of Two" as this was probably the last one we will need to have for our Home Study.  Yes, you read that right.  Our case worker told us that she probably wouldn't need to come back out to our home again, but would email or call us if she found a reason to.  Today's visit was a bit more relaxed and she took down my family history then talked with us about how we handle anger and also how we expect to discipline our future kiddos.  She seemed relieved to hear that we weren't expecting to have perfect children who didn't have any sort of baggage as there are apparently many families who seem to be under the delusion that adopting a child out of foster care means they come pre-programmed to be perfect.  Our children won't be perfect, but they will be perfect for us and that's what matters in our eyes.  

At this point we're kind of left unsure of what's next.  We know that she has to type up her reports and upload all of the pictures of us, our furry babies and our house to her report.  I would assume she will also check with our references to make sure that we aren't some crazy ax murders (so those of you who were enlisted to be our references better be prepared! (j/k)).  Unlike our first set of submitted documents to our original case worker, we weren't asked for a medical disclosure signed by our doctor, but we did have to sign a form saying that we were healthy enough to care for kids, so that's done.  I suppose that now it's just the waiting game, which we've gotten pretty good at as of late.  At least it gives me time to finish the scrapbook she needs for our file to show potential children.  That's all for now though, at least until we hear if we've been approved or have to have another home visit...we shall see!

Home Visit: Part One

We just finished with our very first home visit (literally 15 minutes ago or less) and it went very well.  Our new case worker is really sweet and very down to earth.  I think we both felt at ease within seconds of her coming into the house.  I was very surprised at how little she looked at the house, considering it is a home study, but she is having us email her pictures of it for our file.  She checked all the rooms but didn't poke around in any of the drawers like some of the horror stories we've heard.  Instead, we just sat down at the dining room table and chatted.  I was amazed at how the interview questions she had to document seemed to come about more like a conversation instead of a check list.  It actually makes me look forward to our second visit with her which will be next Friday at 1pm.  Looks like things are finally moving along! 

Drumroll Please...

We not only have a new agency and a new and improved caseworker, but we also have (cue drumroll please).....a home visit date!!! Mama S got the call this morning to schedule the first of two home visits for our home study. I had to call the caseworker back to confirm one of three dates she had offered us, and it took all I had not to cry out of sheer joy and relief. The date is set for June 22, 2011 at 2:30pm, nearly 6 months to the day after our home study was first assigned to the original agency. I'm so excited that I almost feel we should have a "save the date" card made for posterity! There's much to be done still, but at least we have a set date with an exact time and a professional caseworker who's willing to work with us. What a breath of fresh air!

And Here We Go Again!

I haven't posted in a while mainly because there really has been nothing to post, at least not until now. Our frustration over how ridiculously long our home study has been finally came to a head about two weeks ago when I placed a call to T, who as usual apologized for not calling me, blah, blah, blah then promised to call me that afternoon. I haven't heard from her since. Mama S and I waited for a week before giving in and calling D, her supervisor, and by the end of last week STILL hadn't heard from her either. Finally, the straw broke our preverbal camel's back, and I broke down and called the adoption coordinator who assigns home studying agencies. I received a call back from her today and detailed to her our home study journey thus far. To say she was appalled would be an understatement. Our home study was assigned January 25th and as of today, June 6th, NOTHING has been done. To add insult to injury, the hour long panic over a supposedly "lost" file was completely unnecessary, as the adoption coordinator had given the agency a COPY of our original file and had the original under lock and key with her, something, she said, D would have known but never told me. On top of it all, it turns out the adoption packet we filled out should have never been done by us in the first place. It was the responsibility of the caseworker to use it as a guide for our home visit, and the agency we had been dealing with had a reputation for being lazy and making their clients do it themselves, only to copy and paste the documents into their adoption reports. The 20 minute conversation resulted in a new home study agency assignment for us (to one with a great community reputation) and an investigation into the rest of the files handled by the agency in question. It was a slight comfort to know that we weren't the first ones this has happened to, but we will hopefully be the last after their investigation. Hopefully other families won't go through the same headache that we have. If nothing else, all the fighting we've had to do has proven that we REALLY want to be parents (as if there was a doubt!) and hopefully we will now be on the road to completing our home study once and for all.

The Next Generation of Fans

If you know me you know that I have a love for all things Bonnie Raitt and Mama S lovingly puts up with it.  I have everything she's done since 1970 (even the obscure stuff when I can get my hands on it) and have been known to travel far distances to see her, or even go without meals to afford tickets (more on that later maybe).  This weekend she was in Florida and I was able to catch 2 of her 3 concerts.  I was absolutely tickled when she shared a little anecdote before she sang "Have a Heart".  She talked about how many of her fans told of how they loved listening to her music in the car with their kids but weren't too keen on the first few words of the song being "Hey! Shut up!", as their little ones were picking up the term.  Everyone got a good chuckle and then she off-handedly commented that most of the kids of that time are in their 30s now experiencing the same thing that their parents had 20 years before.  I had to smile to myself and think about our future kiddos and the Bonnie-loving seeds that I will have to sow.  Maybe next time she's touring we'll have a few young fans in tow with us.  Won't that be grand? 

By the way, still no word on the Home Study, but I'm hopeful that we'll hear something soon.  Definitely makes "Nick of Time" more understandable!

Persistence and a Pinch of Discrimination?

We have been playing a rousing game of phone tag with our new case worker, with us reminding the case worker that she was "it" on a fairly regular basis.  However, it's been a jarring experience with her (who we'll just identify as T for her first name's initial).  When we did finally get a call back from T, she was very confused about what kind of Home Study we were calling about.  Apparently, despite what the previous case worker told us, she never did review our file with T, but that will be further detailed later...  So T had to check with her boss (who we'll call D) and make sure that she had our file in her office.  She promised to get back to us after she had some answers...


Fast forward to today.  I checked my phone after an assignment this morning only to see that I missed a call from T.  Beaming with a grin the size of Texas, I went back up to my office and listened to her voice mail to the sound of "I'm calling to schedule your home visit".  Best. Words. Ever!  At least they were until I called her back.  She began the conversation by apologizing and then proceeded to tell me that our entire file had been lost.  Talk about a punch in the gut.  She again apologized and offered to meet with us to work with us on all the paperwork tomorrow (Saturday) morning.  I hung up from her and spent the next hour on the phone trying to track down forms and such.  In the end I called D and asked her to get whatever forms I needed for them ready so I could come get them in my travels to gather paper from around the universe.  She asked that I give her the opportunity to go digging through the old case worker's office, as it's still vacant.  There, stuffed in a drawer, was not only our paperwork, but also our unopened adoption packet still in it's envelope with 7 stamps pasted on it.


In the end, it turns out that our former case worker never bothered reviewing any of the files with T and D told me that she had been given all the other current home studies in progress but that ours wasn't among them.  Now, I try to give her the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe she just got busy, put it aside and it didn't cross her mind again.  Out of sight, out of mind kind of thing.  Or, maybe she hid it on purpose as many people seem to think.  I don't know and we will never really know, nor will it do us any good to dwell on it.  However, we are very fortunate to have two very motivated people (D and T) on our side now, who are going to push through the review of our documents as fast as they can so they can expedite the rest of the Home Study.  Maybe, just maybe, we can be certified by summer time so we can start inquiring about kids and MAYBE even have a placement.  It would be such a dream come true!  Until then, we'll continue with the same persistence that we have been and hope that there won't be any pinches of discrimination.

Gotta Love the Hoops!

My friends who I'll identify by their blogger names of J1 and J2 gave Mama S and me the name of an LGBT attorney who has started working on adoption cases as they were given some very exciting news about second parent adoptions in our state.  For those of you who have been reading my blog for a while, you may remember the post from November after we found out that only one of us could be the "adoptive parent" and had to decide who looked better on paperwork.  After the conversation I had with the attorney today, it appears that we will BOTH be able to adopt our children, we just may have to jump through more hoops in order to do so.  


According to the attorney, there have been quite a few couples able to complete second parent adoption by going through the adoption legal process in the southern part of the state where there are more liberal judges.  There have been a very few who have been able to get second parent adoptions as close as the next county over.  In order for us to do this, one will have to be the original adoptive parent, then after all is said and done we will have to get a private Home Study done and will have to go through the courts in the south to have the second parent adoption completed.  The process will be longer, but it will mean that we will BOTH be our children's legal parents.  I feel it's almost the equivalent of a "gay tax", but we'll take it.  


The attorney was very excited to hear that DCF has been so accommodating though and was shocked to hear that our paperwork was inclusive.  With any luck, we may not have to jump through all the hoops, but it's doubtful.  At least we have the opportunity to adopt!  Just that knowledge makes our hearts happy.  

Inching Towards the Home Visit

It's been a while since my last post and while I wish I could report that our Home Study is done, it's well, not.  There was a breakdown in communication with our case worker, her supervisor and us about what to do with all of our paperwork, but we finally got it sorted and sent off.  It took 7 stamps to mail all the documents! Seven. Stamps.  I even made Mama S take a picture of the envelope!  It seems so crazy that it's moved this slowly, but at least it's moving.


The good news though is that we have heard from our case worker about our paperwork, as well as about a change in case workers.  Apparently our case worker is leaving the agency in charge of our home study on April 1st, but fortunately she is already working with her replacement on all of the cases on her load.  This translates into no further delays in our Home Study.  According to our current case worker, we will be called within the next week or two by our new case worker to schedule our home visit.  Which means we should have it before Easter!  It's exciting to finally have an estimated time frame to work with.  Maybe we will actually have a placement by this summer! 

Second Bedroom

As mentioned in previous posts, we are open to having more than one kiddo (sibling group or what have you).  In order to be approved for more than one child, we need to have more than one bedroom set up, so this is what we've been up to in between doing paperwork and waiting patiently for the phone to ring (still haven't heard from our case worker).

                                                

                

This used to be our TV room.  I didn't think to take pictures before.  It used to have brown walls and lighter shade laminate flooring.  The furniture is temporary, as it's really not in very good shape and isn't kid friendly.  All we have left to do is put the closet doors back on, replace the outlets, paint/caulk the trim, replace the door and put bedding on the bed.  

All that's really left to do is finish up the last little bit of paperwork, get the few remaining outstanding references and finish up the house.  Our list has gotten much smaller for the house and basically we just need to set up our new tv room/den, touch up some paint and do a good cleaning.  The list seems so much more manageable now! :-)

Drowning in Paperwork!

Ok, so maybe the picture is a slight exaggeration....but trust me, some of the questions they have on the Home Study documents we have to answer may end up taking several rain forests worth of paper to answer.  I really should be working on it, however, I think better on a full stomach.  It will have to wait until I'm done with this lovely little blog post and have eaten something.  Ah, I digress....


So this paperwork...I thought what we did in MAPP class was extensive, but for a smallish (comparatively) packet, the things they want from us are pretty in depth.  Some of the forms are repeats of what they *should* already have in our file, but we'll redo them just to be safe.  At this point in time we have to have a completed Adoptive Home Application, references from 2 friends, 2 family members and one from our jobs a piece, a MEPA Statement, completed Family Profile, completed Child Characteristics Checklist, completed Central Abuse Hotline Record Search and last but certainly not least, a physical from our doctors stating that we are healthy enough to care for children.  I'll give DCF kudos.  The majority of our paperwork is in gender-neutral language (IE: parent 1, parent 2), so I have half a hope that maybe, just MAYBE we can adopt together.  It may be wishful thinking, but it's worth asking about.  


There are 13 essay type questions on our forms and fortunately, some don't apply to us at all.  Here are the questions:
- Describe your motivation to adopt or be approved as a non-relative caregiver.  If this is for placement of a specific child, describe any prior knowledge/relationship that exists between the child and yourself.  If you are a two-parent household, address both care givers mutual desire to care for the child.  
- Describe/discuss your childhood history.  Discuss issues including significant losses, life milestones and any experiences with substance abuse and/or domestic violence, whether past or current, either child or adult.  Address treatment received and/or needed.  Please address each person separately.
- Describe your mental, emotional and physical responses to stress.  Please address each person separately.
- Please discuss your level of education, employment history and job skills.  Please address each caregiver separately.
- Describe each caregiver's current and previous marriages and significant relationships.  Include reasons for dissolutions/divorce and address children involved.  Document all marriages and divorce verifications.  How do you each resolve conflict?
- Describe your relationship between other household members and extended family and friends.  What is your support system, formal and informal?  What are your family's cultural and religious beliefs and your willingness to accommodate children of different faiths, beliefs and ethnicities and/or cultures?
- What expectations do you put on children (respond in terms of children already in your home)? Please discuss each child separately including developmental history/issues, personality, health, education level, special needs and behavioral challenges.
- Describe/discuss your parenting practices separately including capacity, skills and experiences.  If you have not parented a child, discuss any child caring experiences and any qualities that would contribute to your success in parenting practices.
- Describe/discuss each caregiver separately with regard to disciplinary beliefs and practices, including your own childhood disciplinary experiences.  Discuss forms of discipline for each child in the home already and plans for any prospective child placed.
- Discuss your home's physical environment, including a description of your home; address the interior, exterior, number of rooms, bathrooms, etc and sleeping arrangements (each person).  What changes if any, need to be made in order to accommodate child/ren?  Do you plan to remodel in the next year or two?
- Discuss your capacity to protect a child from all unauthorized contacts.  Assess ability and willingness to participate in the judicial process and to comply with all court orders and the case plan.
- Describe/discuss the adjustment and integration of children previously adopted by or permanently placed with your family.  Discuss any failed placements in term of the cause, resolution and any differences or changes that will be made in the future placement as a result of lessons learned.
- Describe/discuss your (each caregiver separately) acceptance of removal and placement in/out of home care and willingness to support reunification efforts (if applicable), including visitation and contact between the child, parents, siblings, relatives and others.  Discuss your family's willingness to help support and preserve connections significant to the child.


Mama S hasn't read over the forms yet, but I'm a bit OCD and have already developed 2 outlines for my responses and will be working on this over the weekend too.  Yes, it is probably overkill, but c'est la vie! I already foresee a phone call to our case worker's supervisor about how long winded they want us to be.  Some of the questions will take pages to answer in totality.   With that being said, time to get cracking on the paperwork.  Hopefully there won't be too many loss of tree-lives in the answering of our Home Study questions!

Short post

This is going to be an unusually short post, but I felt it necessary.....  WE HAVE A CASE WORKER!!!!!!!!


FINALLY got a call today from the adoption coordinator letting us know who our case worker is and that they will be in touch (was supposed to be today) to schedule our appointment for the Homestudy.  Yay!!!!!


That is all.  We'll have more to update once we speak to said case worker. 

And....We Wait!

A friend of mine pointed out that there have been no recent posts, so I figured I should go ahead and update even though there really feels like there is nothing to update....

We still have heard NOTHING from our case worker.  We waited for 2 weeks after Christmas and went ahead and called...and Mama S talked to an answering machine.  Waited a week after she called and then I called and again talked to an answering machine (this was last week).  Maybe they have gotten backed up from the holidays....maybe they are waiting on our references....maybe they were waiting to make sure our newly elected political officials weren't going to mess with the repeal.  I have no idea what is taking so long, but it's making us both a bit mental.  The good news is that it has allowed us to get closer on finishing all the little things we need to have done to feel good about our Home study.  Did I mention it's making us both a bit mental?  If we don't hear anything back by the middle of this week I'm going to call and see if I can talk to someone further up the chain of command, as it's been over a month since they received our file and we should have heard something at this point.  

On a lighter, less anxious note....I found the cutest bumper sticker for when we finally do get our kiddos. Check it out:

Mom

I had to include the link as the sticker is copyrighted.  It really is cute and pretty subtle (as far as most gay stickers are concerned).

One last bit of rambling.  NPR announced Thursday that our new Governor and Attorney General have both declared that they will NOT be appealing the repeal!  They also reported that the new head of DCF (who is uber conservative) is not going to appeal either, which is VERY comforting.  The new Attorney General had made a campaign promise saying that she would be appealing the repeal.  Fortunately for us, she must have changed her mind.  Mama S and I will both be so relieved when we finally have our kiddo or two.  It will be nice when we won't have the chance that we can't have a family hanging over our heads.