MAPP classes

Yesterday was our first MAPP class and I had really wanted to come home and blog about it while it was still fresh in my mind....but after 6 hours of activities, lessons, videos and horror stories, my brain was mush.  This may or may not be a lengthy post because my brain is still mush and I have to get ready to go to work in a few minutes.  (Yes, I am aware it's Halloween, but I figure that this will be the last batch of holidays that we won't have a kid or two...might as well work while I can!)

Right, so MAPP classes...  Our instructor is a social worker who has been in the field for 25 years and is the only one in our area to teach the course (hence the abundance of horror stories me thinks).  MAPP Trainer (MT) is definitely a great teacher, and she takes no crap from ANYONE, which is refreshing considering some adults missed out on basic school lessons like not talking when the teacher is, but I digress...  In our particular training we will have ten lessons we have to cover.  Yesterday we covered the different groups of people taking our course (foster, foster to adopt, and adopting) and then went over who each works.  She explained in some depth how our process would go as well as how kids are removed from their homes and taken into care.  Quite a lot of the discussion centered more around fostering, as that's what most people there are planning to do.  Next week we start talking about loss and helping our children with attachments.  MT said to be prepared to talk about suicide at the beginning of next week's class.  Joy.

We will have some homework, and were provided with a few assignments that I'm already obsessing over now.  First (and possibly the easiest) we have to have pictures of ourselves and our pets if possible, which could be quite funny in my opinion, considering the fact we have 6 cats and 2 dogs.  Secondly, we have to write a short letter to our future child, sharing with them different things they may want to know about us.  Then, we also have to write a letter tot he parents of the child and share with them things that may make them more comfortable having their children placed with us.  Those two seem fairly easy in theory, but we haven't sat down to actually write them out yet.  Last but DEFINITELY not least, we have to design a scrapbook for our social worker (due at the end of our classes) to show our future kids where we live, who we are, etc.  I am MAJORLY sweating this one!  First of all, I am a horrible perfectionist and this sort of thing makes me twitch...not even going to lie about that.  Second of all, I am NOT creative and keep fretting over how to make our scrapbook inviting to a child from the age of 4-17 of either gender.  Can we say challenge!?  I need a few more hours in the day and maybe an extra day or two in the week to feel like I can have a remote chance at accomplishing this.  If anyone has a few extra hours lying about, I seriously wouldn't mind buying them off of you.  I may need them!  Oh! I almost forgot, we have to draw out a floor plan of our house indicating which bedroom will be our child/children's room(s).  MT has me figured out already, as she was sure to tell us that it didn't have to be drawn on graph paper to scale...she was saying this looking straight at me! LOL  At least that will be easy compared to the scrapbook!

One final thought before I close...when MT mentioned that we would be talking about suicide she also mentioned the high number of LGBT kids in foster care right now.  When I say kids, I mean kids...as in children as young as 8 or 9 years old!  Mama S and I had already considered adopting a Deaf child or two, but now we both really feel as though we should look into opening our home to an LGBT youth as well.  Of course, there are many things that can happen between now and that time, but it's food for thought.
 

9am-4pm for the next 5 weekends...

...excluding Thanksgiving of course...we will be sitting in our MAPP classes. I'm so nervous that I may just toss my cookies between now and 9am tomorrow morning. Yes, I know that I shouldn't be so nervous, especially because this is the "easy" part, but part of me is wondering about that Valium I asked for a few posts ago. (Again, just kidding Mr. or Ms. Social Worker!) I guess I'm so nervous because I want so badly to be sure to be a good parent and I'm being overly concerned. Mama S is completely relaxed and calm. Good thing too...don't need both of us spazing! Between my caffeine consumption today and my nerves I may not sleep tonight...which may make for an amusing post tomorrow after MAPP class is over. Hehe.

A closing thought...hopefully this time next year we'll be carving pumpkins and adding finishing touches to Halloween costumes. One can hope at least! :-)

The Ban is Officially Gone!

Tonight's blog won't be lengthy.  I saw this in the online news and it tickled me.  It makes the possibility of our adoption a certain one now....well, certain as long as we pass our Home Study (which we will!). 

Without further ado...here's the article:

Florida ends ban on gay, lesbian adoptions

By the CNN Wire Staff

(CNN) -- Florida's ban on adoptions by gay men and lesbians came to an official end Friday.

Attorney General Bill McCollum said the case that led to the overturning of the state's 33-year-old law wasn't the "right case" to take to the state's Supreme Court.

Licensed foster parent Frank Martin Gill had sued to have the ban overturned. He wanted to adopt two boys who had been placed in his care after the Florida Department of Children and Families removed them from their home for neglect.

Gill and his partner have been raising the boys for six years.

"We are relieved that this process has finally come to an end, and that we can focus on being a family," Gill said in a statement released Friday. "All children deserve a chance at finding a stable, loving and permanent home. Over the 33 years of the ban, this archaic law has harmed countless foster children by denying them a forever family."

Earlier this month, the Department of Children and Families announced it would not appeal a September decision by the state's 3rd District Court of Appeal that found the law unconstitutional.

"We had weighed an appeal to the Florida Supreme Court to achieve an ultimate certainty and finality for all parties," said Joe Follick, the department's communications director.

"But the depth, clarity and unanimity of the DCA opinion -- and that of Miami-Dade Judge Cindy Lederman's original circuit court decision -- has made it evident that an appeal would have a less than limited chance of a different outcome."

The appeals court opinion made adoption possible for gay and lesbians in Florida statewide.

The state agency said it has removed from adoption forms the question about an applicant's sexual orientation. Gov. Charlie Crist ordered the department to stop enforcing the law after Lederman's ruling.

Florida was the only remaining state to prohibit gay adoption.

Brandon Hensler of the American Civil Liberties Union of Florida told CNN it is possible that some other case might try to challenge the court decisions, but he thinks such a move is unlikely.

Gill and his supporters planned to celebrate McCollum's decision late Friday.

CNN's John Couwels contributed to this report.

I highly recommend this book....

The last time we perused the bookstore shelves I ran across a book called Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, written by Sherrie Eldridge.  Keeping in mind the fact that I'm only 14% of the way through the book (according to the Kindle app on my iPad), I'm already experiencing face-palm moments.  She uses her own experiences as an adoptee, as well as experiences of others she has interviewed, to explain the feelings of loss that a child who is adopted may experience.  To be honest, we had talked about knowing that our children will more than likely have abandonment issues and trust issues stemming from whatever their experiences have been with their birth families and in the foster care system, but never once did it cross my mind that there may be feelings of loss.  DUH!  Like I said, major face-palm moments.  

Given this new realization, I feel much more confident in my ability to parent a child who is grieving the loss of their birth family.  Grief and loss are emotions that I know quite well after my mom died when I was 14 (followed by my aunt when I was 17, my great-aunt when I was 18, and my grandmother when I was 21 (not that I'm keeping track!)).  Point is, I understand that kind of loss.  Death is different than separation, but now I know to look for the grief and make sure to include our child's history in our family.  Once I'm done reading the book, Mama S is going to read it.  She may not have quite as many face-palm moments as I do (I was informed tonight that she had already considered what I had overlooked), but I think it's wise for ANY adoptive family to read.  After reading the book, I definitely can't wait to start incorporating the traditions of our children into our family!  

After all this self-discovery, I also recognize that we have 10 (yes, 10!) more days until we start MAPP classes!!! Let the count down begin!

Time flies!

I just realized that we start MAPP classes 2 weeks from tomorrow.  Two. Weeks.  It seems time flies when you're busier than a one legged man in a butt-kicking contest.  Two weeks from now + 5 weeks of class + 2 to 3 weeks of lag time waiting for the case worker to schedule the start of our Home Study = a TON less time than I had in my head originally! 


This all means that we will be spending the next holiday weekends (Thanksgiving and Christmas/New Years) getting the house ready.  Here's the to-do list for us between now and then:


-  Order and assemble to bedroom set we found for the bedroom for our future kiddo.
-  Finish the flooring in places downstairs and all of upstairs.
-  Decide what we're doing with the bathroom and get it done.  (We have a new vanity and sink, but need to decide what sort of flooring to put in there and need to repair the (badly done) patches in the drywall.)
-  We need to paint the room that we will be putting said future kiddo in.
-  Child-proofing (and really parent-proofing) equipment needs to be installed.
-  More smoke detectors need to be purchased, including one that flashes a light for when/if we are able to adopt a Deaf child.
-  The garage needs to look less like a bomb went off.
-  Last but certainly not least....I need to scrub down everything....floor to ceiling.  


Me thinks it's time to cut down on the work hours a bit if I can.  Forty to fifty hour work weeks aren't conducive to getting anything accomplished at home and I feel bad leaving Mama S to do all the work.  


So....anyone know anything about tiling?  Their efforts will be paid for by tasty meals and many thank-yous! ;-)

Florida has finally grown a brain!!!

I'm so happy I could squeal!!! However, being that I am at work it would probably not be a good idea.  Mama S and I have been greatly concerned over the possibility that Florida would change it's mind so to speak and take our right to adopt away again.  (Visions of California with their fight to allow same-sex marriage comes to mind.)  Now the two of us, and all the other queer-parents-to-be in the state of Florida can rest easy!  The Department of Children and Families (DCF) will NOT appeal the ruling stating that the ban is unconstitutional!!  The timing is amazing considering the fact that National Coming Out day was yesterday AND a federal judge has placed an injunction to prevent any more of our LGBT service members from being discharged for being who they are.  What a day!!!  To quote my friend J1 (I'm stealing her blog alias as she also has a blog on lesbian parenting) "Holy shit! Is it gay rights month?".  I think we're all wondering that right this very minute!

For your reading pleasure,  here is the article announcing DCF's decision not to appeal.  May you squeal with glee for/with me! 

Florida won't appeal overturn of gay adoption ban

Posted: October 12, 2010 - 5:16pm

TALLAHASSEE - The Department of Children and Families won't appeal to the Supreme court a ruling that the state's gay adoption ban is unconstitutional.
Gov. Charlie Crist had already said he wouldn't seek enforcement of the law, considered the nation's strictest. DCF said Tuesday an appeal had a "less than limited chance" of succeeding.
DCF also said that the appeals court ruling applies statewide.
The 3rd District Court of Appeal last month upheld a finding that there is "no rational basis" for the gay adoption ban.
The American Civil Liberties Union, representing gay parent Martin Gill, urged an appeal to the Supreme Court to make sure the ban would be lifted statewide, but agrees with DCF that the ruling applies to all state courts.

One step down...5,203,948,203,984,032,984,023,984 to go. At least that's what it seems.

I'm sure I'll get a few "I told you so"s from people about being such a spaz over the Orientation.  At least Mama S was slightly loony too over not knowing what to expect tonight!  Made me feel a little better, hehe.  It was pretty basic and mostly information we had already found out online.  A few adjustments to laws have been made very recently, which was news to us.  I was surprised at two things.  One, out of 93 people that signed up for the Orientation tonight only 40ish actually showed up (sad really).  And two, the vast majority of those people only wanted to foster and not adopt.  Not surprising considering it is a DCF orientation.  I'm stunned at how many people spend gobs of money to adopt when there are wonderful kids waiting in the system for virtually free.  All the fees (fingerprinting and home study fees) total less than $100.  I recently was told that someone going through a private agency locally was told that it would be $21,000 for a white child and $13,000 for a black child.  How sad this is to me!  We shouldn't be putting price tags on our children's heads!  I digress....

The next step out of the seemingly limitless to-do list is to take MAPP classes.  We are registered for our 5 weeks worth of classes and start Oct. 30th!!!  Translation:  6 hours on a Saturday for 5 weeks.  Once we get the MAPP certification, it's good for 5 years and we can foster or adopt with said certification.  After this, the dreaded Home Study begins and our lives and all our intimate details will get picked apart.  Sounds like a load of fun...  The mantra that will get us through is:  "It will all be worth it when we become parents....It will all be worth it when we become parents.....It will all be wor....".  You get the picture.  

Orientation = Excitement + Anxiety

We have Orientation on Monday night and it marks the first step in the adoption process.  (Insert HUGE, deep breath right here.)  I've pretty much been counting down the days, and now that it's LITERALLY the day after tomorrow, I'm getting a bit spastic.  Yes, I know...if I'm this antsy over Orientation then how will I be when it's time for our Home Study?  I see Valium in my near future (just kidding Mr. or Ms. Case Worker!).  I just feel like first impressions are ridiculously important, and this is our first impression for the process...and I REALLY don't want to blow it!  No pressure, right? HA!  Anywho...

So in our process, what does Orientation mean?  It means that we get to go listen to all the positives and negatives of fostering/adopting and, as long as we still feel like it's the right path for us, we register for our MAPP classes.  For me, it's the first stepping stone across the river, and the other bank (parenthood) is so far from where we are, that we can barely see it.  I know it's there, but there are loads of stepping stones and some rough patches in between.  The journey may be difficult at times, but the end result will be SOOOOOOOOOOO worth it!!

Top ten reasons to adopt an older child

Yes, we actually came up with these.  Some are in jest, but others are serious.  I'll leave it to you to figure out which is which. ;-)

10.  Limited to no need for day care

9.    NO diaper duty!! 

8.    They are done teething

7.    No worry over them hitting their head on our fireplace when learning to walk (we were seriously considering wrapping it bubble-wrap when the time came if we gave birth to kids)

6.   Holidays are really exciting to them, whereas you don't see that excitement until age 2 or 3. (Seriously, how many 6 year olds don't like baking cookies with mom?)

5.   If we adopt a Deaf child, (planning on it) they will get to go to work with mommy every day.

4.   Instant helper.  Kids always love helping mommy make dinner and do projects!

3.   We don't have to wait to start family traditions with our kiddos.  We can all enjoy the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade while the turkey cooks. :-)

2.   Tooth Fairy or Homecoming will come around a LOT sooner! (Depending on the age of course)

1.   Hearing "mommy" without waiting a year or two for our child to learn to talk!

The adoption ban falls in Florida!

This article (below) greeted my eyes at 3:30pm, Wednesday, September 22, 2010.  I was due to have my first round of infertility treatments the following week.  Over the course of the year, we had tried several times with the help of our known donor to get pregnant.  In June I was told that I had Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, and the grief was indescribable.  All I could think of was not being able to have a child.  To be honest, I had not wanted to get pregnant, but the only way we would be able to adopt was if we moved to another state or lied.  I was not going to build our family on a lie, and moving was going to be the last option if we were unable to have our own children.  When this flashed across my smart phone screen via a headline news app, I cried.  It was perfect!  We would have children regardless of what state my fertility was in!  

Mama S and I have jokingly talked about how wonderful it will be to adopt a child who has already been potty trained and is well past the "terrible 2s".  We know that adoption isn't going to be easy.  We know that with adopting older kids comes the chance of abandonment issues and trauma from their history, but that's ok.  For us, the child or children we adopt will be ours and the opportunity to love them will be all that matters.  I can't wait to complete our classes, home study and be able to meet our first child! 

MIAMI — Florida will immediately stop enforcing its ban on adoptions by gay people following a decision by a state appeals court that the three-decade-old law is unconstitutional, Gov. Charlie Crist said Wednesday.

Crist announced the decision after the 3rd District Court of Appeal upheld a 2008 ruling by a Miami-Dade judge, who found "no rational basis" for the ban when she approved the adoption of two young brothers by Martin Gill and his male partner.

"I'm very pleased with the ruling on behalf of the Gills," Crist told reporters in Tallahassee. "It's a great day for children. Children deserve a loving home."

The appeals court decision is not the final word on the law. Gill and the American Civil Liberties Union, which represented him and his partner, want the state to take the case to the Florida Supreme Court to obtain a final statewide determination on the law.

"If that continues to be their desire, we would support that, and I think given the makeup of the current Supreme Court they would have a very good chance to get a very good ruling," said Crist, a former Republican running for the U.S. Senate as an independent.

Earlier this month, Crist's campaign issued a position paper supporting several gay rights issues he'd once opposed, including adoption rights.

The prohibition was first enacted in 1977 and is the only law of its kind in the nation, according to court records. Arkansas and Utah ban any unmarried straight or gay couples from adopting or fostering children. Mississippi bans gay couples, but not single gays, from adopting.

"Clearly, Florida's law was the most draconian in the nation until today," said Robert Rosenwald, the lead counsel on the case for the Florida ACLU.

In a 28-page opinion, a three-judge panel of the court noted that gay people are permitted to become foster parents or legal guardians in Florida, yet are the only group not allowed to adopt.