I'm a Noob...

Yes, you read that right...I'm a noob.  (For you who don't know what that means, I'll post it in the glossary, even though it has nothing to do with our process other than me being goofy.)  I was freaking out and stressing over all the letters we had to write and things we had to do.  After 5 drafts, the letter finally came together for the "Dear Birth Mother" letter, mainly because a dear friend was willing to share her thoughts with me.  The "Dear Child" letter was cake and Mama S found a CAD program online to make the floor plan.  We did ALL of this stuff and were so proud that we had it when we got to class and we both even busted through paperwork to try to get all of ours finished....only to be told by MT that we Didn't. Have. To. Do. It.  She forgot to mention to us that because we are adopting and NOT fostering that we will have different things to do for our case and that the letters, scrapbook (thankfully I STILL hadn't started on it!), floor plan and pictures were not needed yet.  I think she saw the expression I had and told us that it was good to have it in our file either way for when our Case Worker takes over.  So yes, all that stress for nothing.  I say I am a noob for this because all week long Mama S kept saying that we should wait to talk to MT about the homework as she was wondering if we really needed to do it.  I was absurdly insistent that we indeed needed to do the homework and drove myself nuts (probably Mama S too) trying to get it done.  She has had a few "I told you so" moments of glory to bask in, don't you worry.

MT wasn't kidding when she said we would be talking about suicide and loss.  There were definitely some startling statistics...the kind that make your heart break and make you sick to your stomach all at once.  The state of Florida has something like a 12% suicide rate (if I remember it right, don't have my notes in front of me), yet our county alone has a 15.5% rate! 15.5%!!!  I still can't wrap my head around how that's possible....about how our county can have such a rate....or how our state can even have such a rate.  We were put through QPR training (Question, Persuade, Refer) for suicide prevention in hopes that we will recognize the signs in our children if they ever reach the point of wanting to harm themselves.  I have to say this:  I HIGHLY recommend this training for ANYONE working with young people or even people in general and I'm grateful that we were given the opportunity to have this training.  

I have to say, I feel very fortunate that we are going the route we are with our adoption.  So far, DCF has been incredible.  They really seem supportive of the kids they are wanting to find permanent families for, as well as our family.  To be specific, we had to fill out reams (no exaggeration) of paperwork and on one of the packets it asked our marital status.  This is always a sticky question for us to navigate considering the fact we were married in Massachusetts but neither the state we live in, nor the Federal Government will recognize our marriage.  We asked MT about how we should fill it out and she told us to write MARRIED on our form, that to her and everyone in DCF who will touch our paperwork, we effectively are married!  That means that we will actually have a state document acknowledging our marriage! Wow!  This is the first time in a year and a half our union has been recognized as such and it's pretty incredible that they would honor our family by treating us totally equal.  Then, the fact that DCF is so eager to make sure that they have people who will truly care about kids instead of people just there for a paycheck means a lot to me.  MT seems quite good at weeding out those that seem to just see fostering as an employment opportunity, which will hopefully mean that the kids being placed in foster care will be well taken care of and loved.  

All in all, much was realized and learned this week.  The classes definitely are NOT easy, but they make you do the soul searching you need to in this process.  I won't speak for Mama S, but I am certainly looking forward to our next class!!